Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
