I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
