mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
