Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
