I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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