How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
