Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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