We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
