Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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