My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
