the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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