I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
