Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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