She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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