Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
