Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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