Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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