i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
