i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
