I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
