Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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