at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
