The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
