So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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