Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
