dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
