Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
