Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
