i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
