you guys were way drunker than both of me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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