at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
