He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
