I look better un-naked...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
