He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
