i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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