this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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