no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he thought i was a dude.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
