At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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