Plan B is the new Plan A
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
