I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
