at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We had to coat check the pizza.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
