U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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