You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
