I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
