if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
try to milk me bitch
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