I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
