I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
