The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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