I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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