Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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