I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Small penises have feelings too.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There r osticjed everywhere
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
