I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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