i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
